Fuck Me God (They… are aware)
by Pete Marchesi Introduction
I guess I write under another name. They have become aware. I tempted to ask them how. But it is a private house. I need my own house.
And it comes to you that this stuff is for free. So I do not know why.
I am not questioning that. I am questioning how people interfere. I cannot say. I guess they have an agenda. That… is religion. But it is so easy to please.
Genuine
It is difficult to say what I need… to write. I am close to suicide. So it has to be good. They have worn me down. I don’t… know. They have me in an insane asylum. What can I say about it? The world goes on. I am stuck there. Unnoticed. I guess I could write something rude. I am just about in the mood for it. God… came to visit me. I was not in the mood. So I threw him out. I am just like you he said. I was not listening. It is daytime. I am going to look for him tonight. I need some radical sex. I don’t know what it will be about. But I have some idea. He likes to fuck me up the ass. I don’t mind it. But… what am I telling you for? It seems there are no rules to being around here. So I am going to do it for my well… being. I can fantasize. I guess I will have to. Because there is no way. I just laugh. It is one of those days.
I shall invite him. Do you think I should? I am in a nasty mood. And the house is full of family. I am hoping that they all go out tonight. That will suit me just fine. My cock. I guess it is okay. It has been used recently. So a good ass fucking will do me just fine. Is this not crazy? I am over the edge. I think I will stay there for a bit. The world wants none of me. I am going to make myself comfortable. I ate today. And had a good shit. This is awful. This… is no way to write. I think I will just waste my time. How will I prepare? I guess it will just happen. That is what I am hoping. I need an instrument.
A cigarette will do. To smoke. I don’t know further than that. I am being original. How about that smoke? I think about it. I have been smoking all morning. Is my penis even still alive? Once he almost twisted my head off. He said he was here. And he proceeded to humiliate me, till I was this tame little puppy. And I said… I will be your cock whore. Not a bad way to be. And I like it fast. I have seen many people doing illicit things. I guess I can compete. And then I say to myself. …I must be crazy. I don’t need to do this. Let it just happen.
And that is not the thing. I need to be loved. In a big… way. I really need it. It is getting lonely for me. And his company will do me just fine. You ask me how can I write such a thing. It is just that the world is too… expansive. It is too mean and trivial. I need to state… myself. I am just wasting my time. How about that cigarette? You do not know what you get into with these things. There is no turning back. God… please fuck me. I need a good fucking. Tell me that you love me and all that shit. I will keep it clean. I can get you here. I say to myself. That is easy. He wants to see people love themselves more. I can only comply. With that. I go have a cigarette. My body is just not feeling it anymore. How shocking. I have seen him. He is very beautiful. And you can do nothing about it. You just want… him. And that is all there is to it. It sounds crazy. But I need… crazy. People have been ripping me apart. I think I will take a golf club. That will keep me company. That will do… me. I will ask him if he will do it… to me. I don’t know how he wants it. But I am sure he will not be shy. If you like, I can describe it to you. Just not now. I need to go have that cigarette. This will completely discredit me. But I have no money. So I can’t get a woman. I do not want a man. I want God. You just look at him. And you are his. In this case I speak of Odin. My… God. I am not interested in just any God. I need him.
So it is. I need… that cigarette. It will blow up my mind as big as a house. And I can start. He stays my hand. And says to wait till it is nighttime. People are about their business in the house. I do not want to be discovered. It is a strange and evil thing that I am doing. I want it. My body needs it.
My mother comes by. She is going out. I tell her I want to stay in. That is what is gone. Will… I be private tonight? Or should I just do it now? I go have that cigarette. Hmm. Please come to me. Surprise me. I will tell them. He says I am very evil, and not to ask him this. I agree. And put it away.
Benevolent
Where do we go? Where do we go? I guess I will listen to some music. I lied… about what I said before. You know you cannot just write anything. There have got to be some rules. And what would people say? I am just needing… I put on Blood. It is one of my favorite songs. It is by In This Moment. I also like Otep. A good band. We are trying to be violent… How do I keep myself from this? By expressing. There is everything wrong with it. I just tell you. God has gone away. Odin has gone away. That is my… God. I don’t care what is yours. I am not trying to insult you. How would I do that anyway? We are each formed. The body exists. The rest we do. We have not been doing well. Blood is a good song. It is about a man. I like men. I do not say. And I do not… do. There is just this. That I reserve.
We have patience. Wait till you see the next video I use… I could get into trouble for this. I am just tired. It is my excuse. I have passion. That is all I have. I have over 300 books on Kindle. An Amazon site. It is all useless. No-one reads them. I am just trying to reach in. I have a niece and nephew. Let them not be victims. Big Bad Wolf. Another favorite. I don’t know the band. I have forgotten. It is interesting. It holds you. Keeps you silent. And I need that for a while. You get people looking for sex. They don’t know where they go to. I will not be with a man. It is too confusing. And my family would be flabbergasted. I do not want to do that to them. My family tells me to turn them off. The music. I guess I will play it outside. I will be alone then. And I am tired… of being alone. It is light. It will be nighttime soon enough. I wonder if I can do it? I have done it before. I am just boring. I can’t really do this, can I? I will leave it. I do not need to do this. I will reserve it for myself. But isn’t that what you want? Everything…
My brother has disappeared. I will try to put the music softer. There are other ones I need… to listen to. It will get me going. It will make me forget where I am. And that is what I want. I shouldn’t put my name on this thing. There are some religious people that know better. Keep it put away. They will say. And I see their children run free. I am not saying anything against them. The… children. It is just that I am enormous. I am just kidding. Just a pretty regular guy. That is going too far. Let me try this music out. I need to slip into a dream. I hope he… wakes me. I don’t really feel like it. I say…
There is this woman at the madhouse. She is pretty. But I am sure she is getting no sex. Do you want to be with that? Someone that refuses what belongs to us… I cannot say for you. I cannot do anything for you. My purpose in this is to show you that I need to be left alone. I don’t know why they do things about… this. We exist. Thank you. Now, don’t interrupt us. I wait for night.
I am going to go outside. And listen. Perhaps my body will meld with the universe. A pretty tight fit. I am already starting. Ha ha.
Certainty
I find something nice. A plunger. I usually use the hammer. But it… is sadly missing. I have my guitar. I am going to play some music. I need to make myself and him feel tranquil. This is just crazy. This is just crazy. But you need to be passionate. Life lets you down. You need to do what you need to do. This… is what I need to do. I try to convince myself. I am just playing with you. I am going to do no such thing. I will be struck dead. Perhaps… I shouldn’t. I am hoping that something just takes me over. A mischievous possession. A nice one. Most times I come out of it in a terrible mood. I want to kill people. Of course I don’t. I don’t advise this to anyone. Please stop reading. He he. I guess I am just a fool. I can’t wait to get it on. I am political in nature. Where did that come from? But that is only for fools. “I would like everyone to bow down to me. Except this one. That I am going to fuck. I will creep up on him in the middle of the night. And attack him. I will beat him. And then fuck him. I am feeling quite good about this. He he. Go ahead and smoke, you little cock whore. You know there is no way out of this. Now. Go and play me some music.” Someone will notice. “Not if I am there. But you must be quiet. The world is impatient. They want it. They get it. But we are not fools around here. We are men. We do what we must. And in the throes of passion. He… died. I made a place for him in my new Heaven. He did not comply. I told him he was a teaser. But he was adamant. We have sex in Heaven. He complied.” Now I am leaning back. I don’t know where the words are coming from. I put the plunger in and stroke… it. It is his cock. I start to move it fast in me. The beginning.
I put on a sex channel. It has been a very long time. I want to see what other people are doing. A woman’s pussy is so neat and in place. I have not had a girlfriend in a long time. Never mind children. They are non-existent to me. I just need love. I say to myself. And it starts.
“Demon! Where do you come from? You think that I want you? I have better things to do. I need to save the world. How interesting. You had better not try to turn me on.” I smile. But it is an indifferent smile. He says to look at the video closer. I have no time for it. People are getting turned on. I need to turn… them on. “Okay. You go save the world. You can leave me out of it. They are just ruining everything. We naturally need…” I don’t know what he is talking about. It is just religion. It is harmless. Don’t commit suicide. I am not even going to take that seriously. I am becoming agitated. And… angry.
Some woman fucks herself with a banana. I start to laugh. It is just convenient. I don’t know what she is thinking about. Ask her. I am not going to do this. I decide against it. Too late. Says Odin. I guess I will wait for him. He cannot get away from me. He needs me so much. I am compliant. I go to big cock tranny. It is wild. Excuse me while I fall off the building. I am barely holding on. Excuse me. And I just laugh at myself. It is still daylight. And that plunger… I wish it were here with me. I think that Odin loves us as we naturally are. I am not against it. He has taught me a lot. I begin to type funny. Lights off. Dang. It is still daylight. I need to let go. I need to let go. “Don’t get infected.” Hee hee. I guess I deserved that. The women are not readily available. And they always ask for something more. I am satisfied with the anger. I will be in a terrible mood tomorrow. And will not… want to do it again. “Freedom. I guess it is a thing that we cherish. But it is so wrapped up in imprisonment. Wait for your mother to return. She will find something to do. I would like… to fuck you now. I am always ready. But you must protect yourself. That is why I think to myself… Why, are you even writing this now.” Ha ha. I guess I will have fun. It is be raw. Let us look again.
Some of these trannies are pretty. I go to an ebony one. Please do not chew me up and spit me out. I am losing my way. Odin is good to me. I don’t know why. We… begin. Wait. First I need a cigarette. Go read something. It is so sensual. I like a woman’s skin. They are aware.